


family bonding

by Frosty_thesnowman



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Angst, Canon Era, Everybody Lives Nobody Dies, F/M, Fluff, Humor, PTSD, Rickon is a Troll, They Watch Disney Movies For Some Reason
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-31
Updated: 2019-08-07
Packaged: 2020-07-28 02:57:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 5,647
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20056906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frosty_thesnowman/pseuds/Frosty_thesnowman
Summary: “I just don’t understand her outfit choice! How was she wearing heels and running on ice? And-““Robb-““-why couldn’t she see her sister? Also-““Robb-““-why did they trust trolls? And why did no else have powers?”“Robb-““WHAT THEON?!”“Let it go,” said Theon with a smirk.••••••In which, for some reason, the Starks (& Theon) watch Disney movies. There’s no explanation as to why or how they got them so don’t expect one. (Why Disney? Idk)





	1. The Little Mermaid

Sansa was the one to open up the discussion, “Ok, thoughts on the Little Mermaid?” 

“Personally my favorite so far. Though it was a bit of a let down that she wanted to leave the sea,” Theon said. 

“I thought it was rather stupid. She gave up everything for a guy? She almost died!” Arya had given up watching thirty minute in.

“Arya brings up a good point. Also I didn’t like how they portrayed her father. I mean, he was only trying to protect her.”

“Ned, darling, you’ve had that opinion about the last three movies,” Catelyn commented from where she was embroidering on the window seat.

“Yes, well, it’s true. Plus you haven’t stopped complaining about how none of them seem to have mothers.”

“I just don’t understand how all of them have only fathers!” snapped Catelyn.

“Moving on,” interrupted Robb, “I think Ariel’s too young to know what she’s doing. She’s only sixteen!”

“Robb, dear, you led a war effort at that age.”

“Still,” Robb grumbled.

“Honestly all I could focus on were the similarities between Eric and Jon. Similar looks, and both are dumb as hell.”

“Shut up, Theon.” The statement was punctuated with a pillow to Theon’s head. Theon would have retaliated, but a glare from Sansa stopped him. She’d just embroidered those pillows.

“I thought it was sweet. They overcame their odds to be together!” 

“Why am I not surprised that Sansa liked it?”

“You have the emotional range of a teaspoon Arya.” That prompted Arya to throw a pillow and soon there was a war going on between the two.

Whilst the two went at each other, Rickon continued the discussion.

“My favorite character was the crab.”

“Really? I thought it’d be the fish,” commented Bran. The two calmly sipped tea while in the corner Arya and Sansa were throwing pillows at each other; new embroidery be damned. 

“I liked the fish. He was loyal.”

“Jon, can I just say, you have a record of liking the dumbass side kicks. I think it says something about you.”

“Theon I will not hesitate to do a Sansa on you.”

“What does do a Sansa mean?” asked Sansa, who’d apparently decided she couldn’t beat Arya at a pillow fight. Each Stark simply took a long sip of tea instead of responding.

“Okay guys, time to rate,” Robb said after a solid minute of silence. 

“6 stars,” Catelyn said.

“3,” said Arya.

“10! None of you appreciate a good love story.”

“5, but only because it took place at sea.”

“4. I would have liked it more if they’d been nicer about Triton’s parenting.”

“2. It would have been higher but I’m honestly offended that Theon compared me to the prince,” said Jon with a sniff.

Bran and Rickon decided on a 6 because the crab and fish were fun, and Robb grudgingly gave it an 8 with no explanation.

Jon got tomorrow’s pick.


	2. Brave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Starks + Theon watch Brave.

“I would just like to say that I think that movie was the best experience of my life.” Arya was sprawled on a couch, gazing up at the ceiling like she was having a revelation. 

“Cause it was practically an Arya Stark biography,” muttered Rickon, seated at her feet. He was crocheting a sweater with ugly green yarn and wouldn’t tell anyone who it was for. Arya kicked him.

“Well I for one loved it. The relationship between a mother and her daughter is so wonderful. And the mother didn’t die in this one!” Nobody commented on the fact that Catelyn had never been a fan of Arya’s wild behavior, and that for the first nine years of Arya’s life, had acted mostly the same as Queen Elinor. Ned, seated next to her, gave a tight smile and didn’t comment either.

“Good film. Personally think the witch was the best. She kind of gave me Jon’s-first-girlfriend vibes.”

“Oh fuck off, Robb. You barely even watched it anyway, you’re too hungover.”

“Where were you last night, Robb?” asked Catelyn sharply. Despite being nearly twenty, Robb didn’t answer; though the blush on his cheeks was nearly as red as his mother’s hair.

Theon acted as Robb’s saving grace by giving his input. “The witch was great, and the little boys were funny, but the archery! Gorgeous. Truly gorgeous.”

“Careful Theon, you’re drooling,” quipped Jon. Theon (equally as hungover as Robb, but hiding it better) didn’t have the energy to retaliate.

“I agree with Theon. The archery alone gives it ten points in my book and the fact that she doesn’t marry gives it two more. 12 points for Brave!” 

“Arya, its a ten point system.” 

“You’re just saying that cause you didn’t like it, Sans. You probably wanted her to marry that skinny prince.”

“I did not! He was horribly ugly. Plus he gave me, like, Sweet Robin vibes,” said Sansa with a small shudder.

Ned chimed in, the last Stark to give his opinion. “Well I agree with Arya and Theon. Excellent movie; reminds me of the North.”

“Ugh, Jon totally won with this pick,” sighed Sansa. She still wasn’t over the overall dislike of her pick, The Little Mermaid.

“Ha! You have to feed the wolves for the next week,” crowed Jon.

“I never agreed to that deal!”

“I think she should have to wear this sweater.” Rickon held up a slightly lopsided, swamp green sweater. One of the sleeves was nearly a foot longer than the other, and it had far to many gaps in the crochet.

“Rickon, please no. Give it to Shireen or the Mormont girl. Anyone but me. Please don’t make me wear that hideous thing.”

“Sansa, don’t be rude to your brother!” Catelyn scolded. She then turned to comfort her youngest. “It’s a wonderful first attempt, Rickon.”

“This is literally my fifteenth sweater. I gave you my first one, mother.” That was a lie, but Rickon was kind of an asshole.

“And it was...lovely darling. I just can’t remember where I put it...” (She’d never had one).

Theon interrupted Catelyn’s torture. “I don’t know why you didn’t enjoy the movie, Sans, you whine just as much as Merida. You even have the hair to match!”

“How the hell do you attract women, Greyjoy?”

“Very easily. Would you like me to show you?” he leered. 

He might have continued if it hadn’t been for the glares from the Starks and Ned’s interruption that they should really rate the movie now.

“I give it a 12, already said that.”

“Ok a 10 from Arya,” said Ned. “Robb?”

“Uh, 6? I think I fell asleep halfway through. This isn’t even a Disney movie, this is Pixar.”

“I give it a 12 too. Love the archery.”

“Another 10. Sansa?”

“It was a cute movie. I’ll give it a 7, because I obey the ten point system.”

“Jon?”

“10 for sure.”

“I’ll give it a 10 as well,” Catelyn said. 

“Bran gives it an 8 and I give it a 9.”

“Rickon, Bran didn’t even speak.”

“Bran what do you give it then?” asked Rickon.

“An 8.”

“Well I give it a 10,” Ned stated. “Very good movie.”

“I get tomorrow’s pick!” shouted Rickon. “And Sansa, here is your sweater.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still open to movie suggestions!


	3. Frozen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Starks + Theon watch Frozen.

“I just don’t understand her outfit choice! How was she wearing heels and running on ice? And-“

“Robb-“

“-why couldn’t she see her sister? Also-“

“Robb-“

“-why did they trust trolls? And why did no else have powers?”

“Robb-“

“WHAT THEON?!”

“Let it go,” said Theon with a smirk.

Theon should have expected the punch honestly, and nobody was particularly surprised that a brawl broke out, nor did they stop them. Though Catelyn did take the time to remind them to stay away from the fire.

“It was on this summer day, during the reign of Queen Daenerys, that Theon Greyjoy was murdered by his best friend -and possible boyfriend- Robb Stark,” narrated Rickon dryly. The comment did surprise the two into a momentary peace.

“We’re not courting, Rickon,” said Theon.

“Yeah, Theon keeps declining my gifts,” Robb said with a smirk. Theon gaped at him.

“Now, we don’t have time to unpack all of that. Sansa what was your opinion on the movie,” asked Ned after taking a sip of tea. The cook had even supplied them with lemon cakes for the evening viewing. 

“I thought it was lovely. The true love came from a sister relationship! It was such a nice change of pace.”

As Sansa’s only sister, Arya had to ask, “Do you think that would work for us, Sans?” 

“Of course. We may have our differences, but I think we’ve both seen a lot of personal growth and have a stronger relationship because of it.”

“I apologize in advance then, for putting swamp water in your bed.”

“That’s ok, I dulled your sword this morning trying to stab a mouse, so I think we’re even.” Both sisters seemed completely calm despite these revelations and it put all of the Starks on edge.

It was Jon who broke the odd silence. “I thought it was cool. Kind of want to punch Hans in the face though.” There were nods of agreement all around. 

“Weselton reminded me of Littlefinger,” admitted Sansa, prompting a laugh from Catelyn and Ned.

“‘Let It Go’ is a gift to this world and I will be playing it constantly at all hours of the day,” said Rickon. Catelyn winced.

All eyes turned to Bran and Catelyn, as they hadn’t yet voiced opinions.

Catelyn put down her knitting (a new scarf for Bran) on the couch beside her. “Well I’m frankly disappointed that more parents died. I mean honestly, it’s not necessary! Or why didn’t they just have the king die?”

“Yes, unnecessary,” agreed Ned. Both were rather sensitive to the subject after their almost-deaths.

“Bran, do you have any opinions?” asked Sansa politely.

“Yes. I think the trolls were controlling Hans in order to get Kristoff and Anna together. I believe Hans truly loved Anna, which is why he had a sudden character twist. He couldn’t control his actions and had to watch while he destroyed his relationship with Anna against his will.”

No one had any response to that, and so from her chair by the hearth, Sansa called for everyone to give their ratings.

Ned and Catelyn agreed it was a solid 6 and Bran agreed with them. Rickon said it was an 8 and Sansa said 9. Robb and Arya gave it 5s (Arya said it was because there wasn’t enough action). Theon gave it a 10 and stubbornly refused to hear any arguments. 

“Who picks tomorrow?” asked Catelyn.

“I do,” said Theon, “You’re all going to love it!”

“If I don’t I’m giving you my Rickon scarf.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love everyone’s comments, please keep them coming!


	4. Mulan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starks & Theon watch Mulan

The Starks sat in the small stone room they’d set aside for their nightly viewings. There were four couches and a handful of chairs scattered about with a small fire in the hearth. 

Sansa was seated next to Rickon and Arya, Robb had claimed his own couch, Jon and Theon were together but refusing to touch, Bran sat in his wheelchair by the fire, and Catelyn and Ned shared a small couch. 

In the middle of the loose circle there was a low table with eight cups of tea and a small mountain of lemon cakes. 

The only sound in the room was the faint clicking of needles as Catelyn finished yet another scarf (Winter Is Coming) and the occasional crackle of the fire.

They hadn’t finished the movie.

It had started alright. Sansa and Catelyn had enjoyed the making up of Mulan and the ‘Reflection’ song. The whole family loved the grandmother. 

Surprisingly, both Arya and Sansa had cheered when Mulan had gone off to war. They’d actually had to pause to ask Sansa why she was cheering, as everyone was so confused. With a slight smile, Sansa had explained. “Because she’s making her own choices and not letting anyone around her dictate what she can and can’t do. Although I’m not a fighter, I respect her for protecting her family. Sometimes I wish I could physically protect both myself and my family.”

They’d moved on. Arya and Jon had appreciated ‘Make A Man Out Of You’ and Rickon had actually cried laughing at Mushu’s parts. 

But they had had to stop when they got to the massacre scene. 

Robb had been the one to call an end to it. “Stop. Stop the movie, stop it right now. I- I can’t- I can’t watch this.” Theon , Ned and Jon had had similar reactions and had gone pale at the sight.

They couldn’t skip past the scene either, it was too fresh in their minds. Slowly each Stark had left the room. 

Robb, Theon and Jon left together, likely going either to their rooms or the training grounds. Despite their young age they had seen far too much horror, and the flashbacks were too much.   
Ned also left- for the Godswood. 

Sansa held Rickon and Arya close for several minutes, and tried to clear her mind of all the horrors she’d seen. The rotting heads; the men cut down right in front of her; and most of all, the Others. 

Rickon and Bran remembered the Boltons. 

Arya tried not to think of the people she killed, but the list played on a loop, like a movie she desperately wanted to pause. She ran out of the room and they knew it was likely that they wouldn’t see her until the next day.

Slowly the rest of them left for their own rooms until only Catelyn was left, sitting alone before the fire. She couldn’t seem to move her legs- paralyzed by the images her mind was conjuring. Only her hands moved, not stopping their crocheting.

The faint clicking played long into the night.


	5. Sleeping Beauty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Starks & Theon watch the original Sleeping Beauty movie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I chose the original because I really didn’t want to write Sansa’s reaction to Maleficent having her wings stolen. Also, random fact, in the original story of Sleeping Beauty the prince raped the princess while she was sleeping and she only woke up when giving birth to twins.

“Okay, it was a good movie, but why the hell was this Bran’s pick?” asked Jon.

“I like sleeping beauty,” mused Bran, “The animation and music are lovely. Plus, there’s a dragon in it.”

“Well I hated it,” Sansa said angrily. The statement was met with a series of gasps by the assembled family. Arya, sitting next to her, checked her temperature. “He kissed her without her consent! She was asleep! The prince could have done anything to her and she wouldn’t have been able to defend herself.” Her face was red with anger.

Instantly the family remembered Sansa’s once similar situation of helplessness. They moved into action quickly. Arya hugged her tightly while Jon got her a lemon cake and Catelyn got her a blanket and some tea. 

“I’m so sorry darling. None of us thought of it that way,” fretted Catelyn. “Ned, dear, take Snow White off the list, it’s too similar.” Ned nodded and crossed it off of the parchment hanging on the wall. 

“Thank you mother,” Sansa whispered.

“Sans, is it okay if we continue the discussion, or would you rather we skip it tonight?” Arya asked.   
(Never let it be said that the Stark sisters aren’t close).

“No, it’s ok, continue.” Despite her assurance, Arya still clung to her sister like a limpet.

“I liked the fairies,” said Rickon firmly, breaking the tense silence in his usual blunt manner. 

“Same,” Theon and Robb said in unison. 

“They were the best part,” agreed Jon, “but I don’t understand Maleficent’s motivation. She’s an evil fairy! Why did she expect to be invited?”

“Well Jon, it’s a matter of principle. If you have a high ranking lord or lady who lives nearby, it’s expected to extend an invitation during times of celebration; especially if one is royalty. The fact that they didn’t do so is quite rude,” explained Catelyn.   
Jon and Catelyn maintained an odd relationship. They were uncomfortably polite to one another, yet would have random bouts of friendliness with one another.

Jon nodded at the explanation.

“Well what’s our ranking?” 

“I give it a 6, Ned,” said Catelyn.

“3,” Sansa said firmly, and Arya nodded in agreement. Sansa was now on Arya’s lap. It was an odd sight, considering Sansa was nearly a foot taller than Arya, but both seemed comfortable.

Bran gave a slight grimace as he said, “I give it a 9, sorry Sansa.”

“It’s ok Bran. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Theon and Jon gave it a 4, mostly for the fairies. Robb gave it a 2, because the music was boring, and Ned gave it a 5. 

“Tomorrow’s my pick lords and ladies!” announced Arya. Sansa let out a groan. “I promise you’ll all love it!”


	6. Moana

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Starks & Theon watch Moana

“Hands down best character goes to Maui,” began Theon. As if to punctuate the statement, he stuffed a lemon cake in his mouth, getting sugar all over the couch, himself and Robb.

“But Moana!” protested Arya. 

Robb snorted. “Both of you are wrong. The grandmother was the best character and I will fight anyone who disagrees.”

“Let’s go man, Maui was clearly the best.”

“No more fighting! Last time you ripped a tapestry,” Catelyn said with a huff. The tapestry depicted two wolves romping in a field, and none of the other Starks particularly cared for its well being. Catelyn only did because she had commissioned it and couldn’t admit aloud that it was rather ugly.

Theon grinned shamelessly. “If we can’t agree on characters, Stark, then you can at least admit ‘You’re Welcome’ was the best song of the movie.”

“This is ‘Shiny’ erasure,” argued Rickon. 

“What about ‘How Far I’ll Go’?”

“Sans, it’s a good song, but over ‘Shiney’? Really?” Arya raised an eyebrow in disbelief. 

“Always knew you were my favorite, Arya,” said Rickon, holding up a fist for a fist bump that Arya graciously returned. 

“Thanks Rickon. Sometimes I forget you exist.” Rickon didn’t seem fazed.

Theon snorted. “Moving on from that rather sad display of sibling love, I would just like to state that I’ve found my true love, and it’s this movie. The sailing! The water! It literally checked off my two requirements.”   
(Theon never regretted that he chose the Starks over his family, but he missed his heritage).

“Low standards you’ve got there Theon,” said Jon dryly. “Though I can’t say I’m surprised after I saw you with-“

“Children present,” reprimanded Catelyn sharply.

“What were your thoughts on it, mother?” asked Sansa to save Jon’s hide.

“Well the mother was alive in this one, so I quite liked it. Her mother was so supportive too; truly lovely. Ned?”

“I liked it, very good, but the father’s body proportions were bothering me the whole time. He’s nearly two feet taller than his wife and twice as broad.”

“Does everyone have their ratings?” asked Robb.

“10 for me! I loved Moana; she and Merida are my favorites,” said Arya. “Total badasses!” 

“10 for me as well. I loved the sailing.”

“I’ll give it a 9, but mostly because the chicken bothered me,” Robb said with a frown. “Why did she keep the damn thing?”

Sansa snorted derisively. “It saved the day Robb, get off it’s back. And I give it a 10. The songs were really good.”

“Bran and I give it an 8,” said Rickon. They did not talk or even look at each other before Rickon stated it, but Bran didn’t dispute the fact.

“I give it a 10. Tomorrow’s my pick darlings! Now get to bed, it’s quite late. Robb, dear, I finished your scarf.”

“No thanks, mother, Rickon gave me one already.” That was a blatant lie.

“Oh in that case, here you go Arya.”


	7. Aladdin

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Starks & Theon watch Aladdin and the boys debate the merits of jasmine and aladdin ruling a country

“I don’t know how I feel about this one. I mean some of it seemed racist,” Arya said as she steadfastly refused to budge over on the couch she was sharing with Sansa. Sansa looked as if she might start elbowing her.

“I agree!” huffed Sansa as she tried to get Arya to budge, “The lyrics, ‘It’s barbaric, but hey, it’s home,’ seemed so insensitive! Gods damnit, Arya if you don’t move over right now I will hide your spear from you.” Arya gave her an inch. 

“After spending time with Missandei, who comes from an exotic place like the one in the movie, it just seems wrong. Although we’re not used to an environment like that it doesn’t mean it’s a bad one,” said Jon. He was curled up with Robb on the opposite couch. 

Robb nodded his agreement. The Queen’s hand was really quite sweet. “Besides that though, I think I quite like this movie. I think it might be the creepiest one we’ve watched so far though. The Cave of Wonders scene freaked me out.”

“Chicken,” crowed Theon. Robb had pushed him to the floor halfway through the movie. It left Theon closer to the lemoncakes though, so there was little complaining on his end.

“I saw you closing your eyes, Greyjoy.”

“Gods you’re such a snitch Rickon.”

“Thanks.”

“Well I really liked this one. Jasmine and Aladdin had true love and the genie was humorous, but the flying carpet was easily the best part,” said Catelyn. During the movie she had started a quilt that she said would eventually look like the flying carpet.

“The genie is my favorite,” agreed Rickon. 

“Jasmine was kind of awesome. I mean, she had a pet tiger, she stood up to the men in her life, and helped to defeat the villain. She’s right behind Moana in my opinion,” said Arya.

“And she didn’t sacrifice a single ounce of her femininity to do so!” cheered Sansa.

“I thought her outfit was a bit skimpy. Reminds me of some of those outfits out of Dorne,” said Catelyn. 

Sansa scowled. “Mother, if you lived in such a warm place I imagine you would want as few layers as possible, too.”

“Okay, don’t judge me, but I totally sympathize with Jafar,” interrupted Jon. “He’s trying to run a kingdom while dealing with a fool of a king and a dreamy princess. Although he should of just kept doing his job -and he shouldn’t have tried to enslave Jasmine at all- if he’s already doing the job of a king, why not be a king?”

“You have a great point. How will Jasmine and Aladdin be able to run the country? Jasmine ignores almost all of her duties, and Aladdin has never learned how to run a kingdom. The only thing they have going for them is that they want to help their people, but that won’t endear them to the nobles,” agreed Robb. 

Theon nodded. “Almost all of the princesses would make shit rulers. They’re all either too nice -and couldn’t protect their people- or they’re too violent and couldn’t be diplomatic. Plus a lot of them don’t marry for allies.”

“Yes, but they have an excellent love story,” drawled Arya.

“Oh you always denounce love stories!” snapped Sansa. “They’re not always about the romance- it’s about the freedom to choose, Arya. For women in a world of arranged marriages, that’s a dream come true.”

Arya shifted in her seat guiltily. What Sansa described was eerily similar to her relationship to Gendry. She hadn’t been in love with him (not really). They’d been friends and she relished in the fact that he hadn’t cared she was a lady. The only thing she’d ever been truly in love with was the freedom to do what she wanted, but she couldn’t explain that to Sansa, and didn’t really want to agree with her, so she sat in bitter silence.

“Sansa, dear, you have an excellent point. Freedom is a drug, and one always wants a fix. That said, I do appreciate a good love story,” said Catelyn. Her attempt to break the tense silence worked and the room collectively let out a breath of relief.

“The genie was the best! ‘Friend Like Me’ was amazing,” announced Rickon.

“Ignorance. ‘A Whole New World’ was the best,” said Sansa.

“For once I agree with Sansa,” said Bran. He’d pushed himself into a shadowy corner and seemed to relish in the fact that they all had to crane their heads to see him.

“ ‘For once’, Bran? I thought we were close!”

“I am close to no one.”

Sansa narrowed her eyes. “Really? ‘Cause I saw you looking at Meera last moon during that feast-“

“Please don’t finish that sentence. Sansa, I’m sorry, you’re totally my favorite.”

“Glad we’ve got that settled. Now, ratings anyone?”

Robb, Theon and Jon gave it a 5 for the fact that “Abu was kind of entertaining and the Genie made up for the rest”; Rickon gave it a 10 because of ‘A Friend Like Me’; Arya and Sansa decided on an 8 (they both liked Jasmine); Bran gave it a 3 (though he fell asleep for thirty minutes in the middle and his opinion should not be counted); and Ned and Catelyn decided to give it a 6.

“I pick next,” announced Robb.

“Fuck. You’re probably picking one for the songs, aren’t you?”

“Theon if you continue to call me out like this I will not be responsible for my actions.”


	8. Pocahontas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Starks & Theon (he might as well be a Stark though) watch Pocahontas

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It should be noted that the Disney movie does not accurately portray the story of Pocahontas. Pocahontas (both Matoaka) was probably in her early teens when she met Smith and there was likely no romantic intentions on her part. The version Disney used was the version created centuries after her death, and was almost entirely false. That said I do like this movie for its songs and so I used it.

“Damn. Pocahontas really made me realize Westeros’ imperialistic tendencies and how we treat the children of the forest similarly to how the English treated the Native Americans,” said Theon. He was laying in his back with his eyes opened wide like he was having a revelation; in his opinion, he’d grown as a person during the hour long movie.

“Well family, I think we must have a faceless man here pretending to be Theon,” announced Arya, “Because I was under the impression Theon didn’t know of any words over three syllables.” Robb’s sudden coughing fit didn’t go amiss by his best friend.

“Stop bullying me, Arya, my tender heart can’t take it. And I’ve had nearly seven years more lessons then you’ve had!” 

“If you take into account the time you actually spent paying attention, however, you’ll find you and Arya might be equally matched,” said Ned dryly. 

“Does this make Bran the white savior?” asked Rickon. “Because if so, John Smith is more handsome.” 

Robb snorted. “For a good hour and twenty minutes he was the handsomest John in the room.”

Jon shifted upright on the couch he shared with Sansa to glare at Robb. “Hilarious. Almost as funny as the time you took your father’s-“

Robb sputtered. “Hey let’s not be so hasty to tell tales, brother.”

“Why does everyone cut off Jon before he can finish spilling the tea?” complained Arya.

“Oh did someone spill their tea? I’ll call one of the maids,” said Catelyn, getting up to so.

Arya turned bright red as her siblings laughed. “No mother, it’s an expression. It means to gossip.”

“Well then. Arya it’s not becoming of a lady to gossip.”

“Yes, mother,” muttered Arya. Sansa’s face was nearly as red as her hair as she struggled to hold in her laughter.

“We’re getting off track!” interrupted Rickon. “I want to talk about how Kocoum was really cool.”

“Why would Pocahontas choose John Smith over him?” asked Sansa in disbelief. “He’s gorgeous. Can I say that about a cartoon? Is that weird?”

“Ok, but did anyone get Jaime Lannister vibes from John Smith, or was that just me?” asked Arya.

“Yeah there were definitely some Jaime vibes. Does that make Pocahontas Brienne?”

“Well they certainly don’t look similar, but they kind of act alike. Nice connection Sansa.”

“Thanks. I may not be great at geography but I’m great at making connections in mixed media.”

“It’ll get you far in life. Anyway, the ‘Savages Pt. 1’ song Went Off,” said Rickon.

“Honestly, who’s surprised that Robb picked a movie with an excellent sound track? ‘Colors of the Wind’ and ‘Just Around The Riverbend’ rank only just behind ‘Make A Man Out Of You’,” admitted Theon.

Sansa nodded emphatically. “The animation during ‘Colors of the Wind’ was amazing. Can we all appreciate how into it John Smith was?” 

“I’m kind of confused as to how they understood each other though. It’s heavily implied that they don’t speak each other’s language and yet within minutes they can?” 

“Please stop poking plot holes into the movies Bran!”

“Admittedly annoying, but at least Bran’s speaking, right? He moved twice yesterday and spoke once. A maid mistook him for a statue and shrieked when he sneezed,” said Arya.

“And we like to say Rickon’s the only troll in the family. Ok everyone, rankings!”

“Easily an 8, and I would have gone higher if not for the fact that it’s supposedly not that historically accurate,” said Robb.

“I give it a 6. Would have gone lower if not for the songs,” said Jon.

Ned and Catelyn gave it a 6 as well; Bran and Arya announced it was worthy of a 7; Sansa gave it a 9; and Rickon and Theon gave it 5s.

“I pick next,” announced Ned.

“This should be interesting.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I decided that I would do as many chapters as there were Starks (& Theon) so if you really want a movie done for the last chapter please comment!


	9. Shrek 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They watch Shrek 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -liberal use of the word Fuck  
-I decided on Shrek 2 cause honestly it’s the best one  
-I completely threw historical accuracy out the window; they’re Gen Z now i guess  
-I haven’t watched this movie in forever so i dunno how accurate i’m being

“I don’t think Shrek counts as a Disney movie…?” 

“That’s where you’re wrong, Robb. It has a princess, and it has magic, what else do you need?” said Ned.

“At least there’s finally a realistic Disney prince. Disgusting guy who occasionally does the right thing.” Arya cackled and held up her hand for a high five. Sansa delicately slapped it, but that was less because of her dislike of Arya, and more because of the large amount of sugar on Arya’s hands. For once Sansa wasn’t the one who ate the most lemon cakes.

“I get that Shrek is the main character, but I kind of need a Fairy Godmother and Donkey spin off. I have no idea why they would interact, but it’s necessary,” piped up Rickon.

“Mayhaps they’re kidnapped together? They then must team up to escape.”

“Great idea in theory, but let’s be honest, Fairy Godmother could easily escape without any help, Sansa.”

“Fairy Godmother is great and all, but the Gingerbread Man? Absolutely wonderful. Truly made the movie- I might have fallen in love,” said Theon. 

“How you can ignore Puss in Boots so easily is beyond me. He’s a cat assassin! How can anyone top that?” 

“Gods, you’re so predictable Arya.”

Jon snapped. “THE DONKEY FUCKED A DRAGON. HOW ARE WE IGNORING THIS RATHER CRUCIAL PIECE OF THE MOVIE? HE FUCKED A DRAGON AND THERE ARE NOW MUTANT DRAGON-DONKEY BABIES.”

“Calm down, Jon! Honestly, I don’t understand why you’re so worked up. Everyone’s so focused on Fiona and Shrek, that they ignore that true love can happen between anyone,” scolded Sansa. She did not in anyway mention that because of a certain hound she knew. 

“Why you were all worked up about the dragon and donkey I’m focusing on what matters: the fact that Jaime Lannister is such a Prince Charming. Which, of course, makes Cersei the Fairy Godmother; though I get the sense that the Fairy Godmother doesn’t fuck.”

Theon laughed. “She has a son, Arya, obviously she got some.”

“No. That was definitely asexual reproduction. The Fairy Godmother Doesn’t Fuck.”

“Do you discuss everyone’s sexual habits like this?” interrupted Catelyn. It was unclear if she was talking to Theon or Arya, although it was probably both.

“Only those I like. So...half of this room?” said Arya. She seemed to be doing a mental tally as she said so and then nodded her head as if confirming her initial assessment.

“We are your family. You are basically required by law to like us,” said Ned. He’d been more of a family man after the Long Night; whether that was to atone for his previous mistake with Jon, or because he was only just realizing he was emotionally stunted was unclear.

Rickon scoffed. “You can’t go making up laws. You’re a Lord, not a King.”

“ ‘Family by chance, friends by choice’, right guys?” interrupted Sansa. Always the peacemaker. 

“Only on days that don’t end in Y,” said Rickon dryly.

“That’s cruel. Oh Gods, we’ve gotten so side tracked! Right, does anyone have an opinion to share?”

“I think it’s cute that Fiona chose Shrek, not for his looks, but for his heart,” said Jon.

“Probably gives you hope, eh,  
Jon?

“Go fuck a dragon, Theon.”

“Can’t, the donkey beat me to it. Anyway, I personally love the Queen. She put up with so much shit. She was just trying to have a nice meet-the-family situation and Harold’s over here ready to rumble.”

Sansa agreed. “The women in this movie put up with all of it. The Queen, Fiona, the Fairy Godmother- hell, even the dragon. Her baby daddy just abandoned her while she was pregnant!” 

“Men ain’t shit, I’ve been saying it since day one,” said Arya.

“It’s true, her first word was shit,” informed Robb a little too gleefully. 

“Yeah ‘cause Theon coached her for weeks. He and Robb had a bet over who could get her to say what; Robb lost, he wanted her first word to be taxes- he thought that would be hilarious,” said Jon.

“You were the one who taught her that word Theon?! I swear to the Gods you’ve given me every grey hair on my head.”

“You’re fully grey, Lady Stark.”

“Exactly.”

“I dunno why House Stark had Ice; mother’s voice might be deadlier.”

“Then Arya must have the best armor in the world; I don’t think she’s ever been effected,” said Robb idly. Arya flicked his nose.

“Alright, alright, does everyone have their rating?”

“Easily a 10. How anyone could say different is beyond me,” said Arya. 

“I was confused for half of that movie, so I give it a 7,” admitted Jon. “Who’s idea was it to skip the first movie?”

“Sorry Jon, but Brienne said the second one was better,” said Ned.

“And I agree with that assessment. This movie was definitely a 10,” said Robb.

Theon gave it a 9 and Rickon agreed. Bran gave it a 6. Sansa gave it a 7 and both of her parents agreed. 

Ned seemed far too pleased with his pick of movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone!

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to request the movie they watch next


End file.
